From the start to the finish I had remained inside my work. Now I took the tiny solid silver knife and nicked the fingers and thumb of my left hand.I ...et a single drop of blood fall on each of the candles and then went to my knees and sat back to wait. There was the grumble of a storm but it was in the distance. Day turned to night and I stilled the chills that tried to seep into my old body. Just at the mid point in the night everything became calm and the world around me went silent.The. The forgiveness is not mine to give but it comes from Jesus and all you have to do is accept it and be free from your suffering."He calmed down and looked at me. "Are you serious?" Yes. I'm completely serious. Punishing yourself is not going to bring them back. They are gone. I have accepted that and have moved on. Now I'm here to make sure that you forgive yourself."He calmed down enough for the other staff members to let him go. He stood on his own two feet and considered me and what I said.. We catch up, who’s doing what, who’s fucking who, who’s been broken up with, all the juicy girl stuff girls talk about. My friends don’t know what I do for a living. They do know I work from home, and assume I do some form of computer work. I tell them it’s a boring job, and nothing to much talk about. It seems to satisfy them enough not to press on about it, which makes me happy. I am not ashamed of what I do; I just don’t want to mix business with pleasure, unless it’s with AJ. He’s the only. “Maybe.”“Oh my god, John. You are crazy. What did I say to get you all excited?”“Just thinking about you going out with that young guy from work and doing it. A secret meeting after work at a motel. Him kissing you as he slowly removes your blouse. How excited he will be to be with a beautiful woman like you. You’re touching him and feeling how excited he is. The two of you are in bed, kissing as he explores your body with his hands and mouth. You explore him in the same way. His warm body is.
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