” She went on, “It is wrong for me to have been thinking about you sexually anyway. A woman my age isn’t supposed to be having thoughts like the...e about a boy your age.” With an amused chuckle added, “But your age is not your age is it, Toby.”I knew what she was talking about. Given my experience with the number of women and girls I had been sexually involved with over the last year, I was impressed with my experience myself. Just the same I still had trouble fathoming it.It was with a “ho-hum”. It was the early 1970’s and “gay” still meant being happy, not an alternative lifestyle. I’m pretty sure that I didn’t REALLY know what a homosexual was, though I’m sure that I, like my peers, often called other people fags. I didn’t start masturbating until I was about 14 --- when a friend told me about it. I soon discovered that using pillows to pleasure myself was far superior to just “rubbing one out” and about that time, I began buying men’s magazines. I was home alone one day, being sick. I felt like a whore, which made my stomach churn with sexual excitement especially now I knew why the men stared, it was a crew change and some of the men had not been with a woman for a month and I was a pretty young woman naked except for a short silk dress and a napkin on my lap covering my naked wet pussy, I really felt like the woman in the movie, frightened and sexually aware, my fingers ached to masturbate, when suddenly a big middle-aged man came across, I guess an alpha male as all the. It was a man's voice, a warm, gentle voice that warmed my body right through to my heart. It belonged to my first love, Zack Crawford. But that was impossible because Zack Crawford died in a tragic car accident four years before. The hairs at the back of my neck began to rise up as I sensed someone behind me so I whirled around but nothing was there but thick fog. My heart was pounding like a set of African drums against my chest. I swallowed nervously."Hello, is someone there?" I asked in a.
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