If I can’t exercise then I will meditate. I sit in front of the Buddha in the lotus position and I get into Zen.I feel at peace when I mediate. I fe...l like I am one with nature. I can find my inner self. Meditation has helped me a lot. I can finally deal with all the bad things that have happened to me. Along with having Eve back in my life, I also have a family that loves me.I don’t know how long I was in Zen when I open my eyes and see sunlight coming through the windows. I feel great as. I also had no true hatred. Over the next couple of years, I started using what I had to get ahead. It wasn't like I became a whore or anything. But if I needed a few bucks for my rent ... I got it. If I needed new shoes or an outfit ... I got it.I had no ambition and no long range plans. I dated a lot because I was asked a lot. Most of the guys just wanted a chance to fuck me. Some of them wanted more, but I couldn't give it to them. Even the ones I dated more than once quickly noticed that. “Oh, Ryan,” she said, “That’s total wood! What are you gonna do with that?”“Nothing ,” I said again, gently swatting her hand away with my own right hand, adding “Never mind, anyway,” although it crossed my mind that I may have needed to do something about it when I got back into my own bed. I tried to push my raging erection down with my hand but it was a lost cause. I guess I could have just removed myself from this situation but I have to admit I did not, so what happened next was as much my. I liked my job, though Frank often made it more difficult with his arrogant demanding ways.The night of the party he came to our table and after being introduced to Kathy spent a good part of the next hour dancing with her. I didn't mind that part because I don't care much for dancing and Kathy loves it. When he came again to get Kathy to dance she said, "It's my husband's turn." On the dance floor she told me my boss keeps trying to feel her up and he talks dirty to her."What did he say?".
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