Getting lost in a little fantasy of Bob, I felt him close to me. I needed to touch him and hold him. Opening my eyes, I could see longing in his face....I could relate to this face. I saw masculine characteristics which formed part of my own identity. I said to him, “For the first time I am not playing a gender role or following stereotyped rules." Bob smiled as I went on to say, “I want a sexual experience with you where I see me from someone else's perspective if that makes sense?” “This is a. I will be here the entire time. Do you have any questions?" No, not at this time." "Good. Let's see how Dave does. Let me go get him." For some reason, my heart started racing. I had never had sex with this man, and yet here I was about to expose myself totally to him. He must have realy wanted this so bad. My mind didn't get a chance to wander any further before Dave and the Doctor returned. Dave was now in scrubs with a mask on. I could see his eyes dancing with delight. "Hello, Melissa. I am. . nobody was looking at him, not even Lisa and Meredith, who had deliberately turned around to give all their attention to Mark. It was obvious that they felt that this was between Kat and himself. He hesitated, still. Finally, trying his utmost to cover his privates discreetly, he stumbled out of the water and rejoined Kat; his white butt and thighs a sickly contrast to the rest of his tanned body.Reaching Kat, he angrily tore the trunks from her outstretched hand and, hopping on alternate. I might as well enjoy myself and pick back up tomorrow.After I did, I felt empty.Not only in my testicles, but cosmically empty, tired, done. My experiment was over, and the release was not any more satisfying than a regular Saturday morning hungover rubbing. I had been holding onto my purpose, and now it was gone.Which purpose was stronger: my biological purpose to orgasm and potentially create an genetic heir, or my higher purpose to not orgasm and complete the experiment? Biology had come.
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