‘Would – would it do any good if I explained it to your mum? After all, it was me that was caned at school – not you. You can say it was my faul....’ God – the things you do when you like someone...She was looking at me curiously, now. She had that puzzled frown on her face again. She half-turned away and blew out her cheeks.‘I don’t know. It might. Why would you want to do that?’I shrugged and looked at my feet. How could I answer that?‘Tell you what. You come back home with me and I’ll let you. I’m alone, more alone than I’ve ever been in my life. They say love is like a drug, like the best feeling in the world times four. I think it must be more like you’re just about to commit suicide, and you jump off the cliff, ready to die…then you grow wings. That must be it. It has to save you from everything you’ve ever been afraid of and everything that could ever hurt you. I’m scared to death of something that powerful taking over my life, but I want it more than I can express. I want the. .. I’m so not complaining... but...” “But?” her expression remained neutral as she asked “Who?” I took a deep breath of the humid atmosphere, “I can’t blame you... got to admit I fancy... her as well!” For the briefest of moments those steel blue eyes seemed to flicker, “Her?” I nodded my heart pumping loudly in my chest, “I’d swear you were admiring Sarah’s ass just as I was as she left tonight.” She grinned broadly and in my head it was far too wide a grin to be natural, “So I was. I made good time, but I could not outrun the despair, and I broke downat several points during the trip. The worst was the first time Istopped to relieve myself. I'd been feeling almost normal, and squattingbehind a tree was an enormous reminder of how much everything hadchanged. I ended up losing the rest of the day to self-pity. The otheroccasions were all late at night, when I was unable to sleep. It wasimpossible to ignore how different everything felt as I tossed andturned and tried to get.
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