I know it's weird to think of your mom in a sexual way but it's hard not to with my mom. She and my dad are like total opposites. She looks like a mod...l; he's fat and ordinary-looking. She's outgoing; he's shy. She's very flirty; he's very passive.In fact, she's so flirty, she wears outfits outside that show a ton of cleavage, often not wearing a bra. She wears thigh-high stockings underneath mini-dresses, like porn star sluts. She wears lingerie around the house when I'm around, as if teasing. The next time l went to Ed’s l had to let myself in because he had fallen asleep in front of the telly with his robe open, but what got my attention was the porno film on the telly. I didn’t wake him, but got on with emptying the dishwasher and rinsing a few cups, l didn’t hear Ed come up behind me till l felt his arms around my waist he whispered “how much do you cost”, l had never been with another man before, but l was feeling aroused, my love life at home dried up years ago and may be it. The set of life had not quite solidified.All kinds of choices had not yet been made. I was still malleable, to a great extent. The stories in my head have taken on a different shape over the past ten years, melded by my understanding that my relationship with Suzie had not been as innocent as I had forced myself to believe. It would be ... strange if I didn’t remember that this early in the process. Reviewing my memories in that light, and my journals, I had connected some different dots,. You can confide in me when we are together as that will be part of your training – to enjoy doing what women do together. I am one of them as are a couple of the nuns you will be required to go with. You will be given a cell of your own from now on so one of us can do what we do together with you in private. When you are required to go with the Father he will call you to his rooms for his treatment of you.In time you will begin to enjoy it and look forward to it – I know I do. I think you and I.
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